Read Part I here…
I do this thing, where I’ll decide what food I want to eat, and then I’ll seek it out. If I can’t find it, I won’t eat anything else. Instead, I’ll wallow in my hunger and self-pity until I can take a nap or settle for a different food to eat. It’s annoying, counter-productive & ultimately a bit painful. Does anyone else do this? or is it just me?
I tell myself that I just have the opposite of ADD– unrelenting, long-term focus on a single topic or idea. This is why I know the nature of evolution from single-cell organism to our current genetic family or why I never miss any entry on my big money charts or why I insist that I can just quit my job, focus real hard and do nice things for free.
I wish that I could say that this particular characteristic of my personality is always an asset. As you can imagine, this is not the case. I can become, how can we say this delicately, obsessed. While other people seem to move gracefully from topic to topic, I can stay fixated on a single idea for hours upon hours. As I’ve grown up, I’ve learned how to mitigate this issue. Not everyone needs to know that I’m still thinking about that thing we were talking about two hours ago. Yeah, I’m so totally over it. Whatever.
Sigh. Welcome to my inner workings. If have something in mind; I chart & plan & poke and prod until I get it. And if I can’t get my mind wanting something else, I will settle for nothing less. Its kinda like getting a song stuck in your head, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t get it out. Until finally Cyndi Lauper and ”Girl’s Just Wanna Have Fun” comes on the radio and all of a sudden you want to be the one to walk in the sun, and nothing’s gonna stop you.
It requires a lot of focus.
Unfortunately, this is what is happening with me and supply gathering. I’ve been paralyzed by indecision. A few pages of this…
Turned into several things like this…
Which led to the creation of an Amazon affiliate program, and the ultimate erosion of my sanity.
You see, I did not realize the world that I was stepping into: the world of travel bloggers. Who knew? they write, edit, take pictures, make movies, design web-sites, do SEO, advertise, guest blog and slay dragons. The rabbit hole has been making my head spin, and deep in the swirling vortex of funny new words and skill sets are sponsorships & affiliate programs.
This last task has proven to be much larger than I realized, mostly because I can obsess about a single purchase for months and months, let alone a whole slew of ‘em! I have spent hours upon hours on the internet picking out items that I want and matching them to the things on my list. I have not, however, purchased a single thing–not one thing. I may never be able to put up a full Amazon store because I have a reoccurring fear that I will accidentally endorse something that is produced by killing albino rhinos, mining the rain forest & enslaving blind children.
(Short cut: If you are planning on buying anything through Amazon, just click here first, and you’ll help me out in the process.)
Sigh again. I have purchasing anxiety, and its not getting any better. I think I may just have to suck it up and go to a store–a real one. Not a big one like a Target or a Wal-Mart, I could die in there, but a smaller one like Next Adventure, they sell used stuff as well… that helps.
The first thing I want to buy is an ultralight backpack. I want a day pack, with little to no metal support and tons of pockets for careful sorting. I figure that if I have one of these I can slowly fill it and begin to whittle down my list until I have everything I need.
Sounds easier than it is, well, for me at least. I mean, look at all those numbers & dimensions! How do I know what would be best? I can’t just buy the 35L size because its divisible by 5–that would be silly… wouldn’t it?